


Tulips Are Better Than One

by QueenoftheFriendzone



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Awkward Romance, Humor, Hyuuga Neji Lives, I can't write romance, M/M, Misunderstandings, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, RWR, Romance What Romance, Tenten and Ino are awesome wingmen, but this was a giftfic for a friend, kind of fluffy maybe, narutopedia is not enough info for characterization, not as many flower puns as you'd expect, so I really tried, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 13:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10640919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheFriendzone/pseuds/QueenoftheFriendzone
Summary: Two geniuses walk into a flower shop.One buys flowers. The other has a hyperactive imagination.Misunderstandings, jealousy and reconciliations ensue.Your usual flower shop AU written by your not-so-usual writer.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I wish I were making money off this.
> 
> This was a birthday gift for my friend who ships ShikaNeji really hard. I've never written either of them, or romance, but man I tried, and did my research and everything, and hopefully you guys like it!

It takes a full twenty minutes after Team Gai’s Once-A-Week Reunion Practice of Youth before the strains of “Gai-sensei!” and “Lee!” even _begin_ to fade away. Just to be extra cautious, Neji waits another five minutes, then activates his Byakugan and sweeps a five-kilometer radius.

“Help me,” he demands, as soon as he’s fairly sure that Gai and Lee only have a one point seven five percent chance of reappearing at a random and inopportune time with equally terrible advice.

Surrounded by various types of lethal weapons with names that Neji knows only because she’s hit him with every one of them, Tenten barely glances up from the kusarigama she’s oiling. “Help you with what?”

“What sort of present would you get for a lazy fuckwit?”

“Knives,” is Tenten’s answer, as it is to most questions. She lays the oiled chain-sickle atop the neat pile of similarly sharpened and cleaned weapons to her right, picks up dirty tanto from a significantly larger pile on her left and gets to work with the oilcloth again. “There’s a small shop in the Hishu district that sells personalized weapons of _amazing_ quality, and—”

“Tenten.”

“—it doesn’t even need to be a functional weapon, although what’s the point of a non-functional weapon _anyway_ , but you could get them to make you a kunai from pewter or gold or whatever material you want. And _then_ you can get them to engrave—”

“Tenten.”

“—prices are pretty decent, I think. You should be able to get one for under a couple hundred ryo, and if that’s still too expensive, you might get a discount if you tell them that I sent you there. _Or_ —”

“ _Tenten_.”

“What?”

There’s a sort of genuine confusion in Tenten’s eyes and the way her eyebrows are furrowed _just so_ that makes Neji want to rake his hands down his face. “Not everyone likes sharp and pointy things like you do,” he says, in a valiant attempt of an explanation. “Some people would like gifts that they don’t have to clean and oil every five days.”

“So get him flowers?” Tenten hazards. Tanto cleaned, she now has a kunai flipping back and forth across her knuckles.

Neji cants his head to the side. “Flowers.”

Tenten makes a frustrated noise at the back of her throat that sounds like a dying goat. The kunai in her fingers finds itself buried in the tree next to Neji’s head, quivering. “I don’t know,” she protests, “they’re a lazy sort of gift, right? All flowers do are stand in a jar and look pretty, and all you have to do is water them once a day? Go ask Ino about that, actually. She’s the one that runs a flower shop. _And_ she probably knows your boyfriend better than I do.”

“Shikamaru’s not my boyfriend,” Neji says reflexively.

“Who said anything about Shikamaru?” Tenten asks with a face blank as paper, and a voice similarly so. Her eyes are dancing.

Neji really does tip his head into his palm this time. “You’re incorrigible.”

“You’re in denial.”

He plucks her kunai out of the tree and hurls it at her face. Tenten catches it. Her laughter follows him all the way to the edge of the training field.

 

* * *

 

Neji goes to Yamanaka Flowers anyway, because Tenten has very sharp knives, and equally good points. Flowers are a good gift for lazy people, and Ino knows Shikamaru better than Tenten does.

He collides with a problem almost immediately, face first. Ino is _not_ running the shop.

“What are you doing here?”

“Buying flowers,” Neji says, pointedly ignoring the mantra of _ohshitohshitoops_ that’s looping in his head. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“I’m helping Ino watch the shop this week,” Shikamaru answers. He’s slumped over the counter and looks three-quarters of the way to sleep, which would usually be cause for him to lose the job if it weren’t his normal appearance. Neji still thinks he might be genuinely concerned for Ino’s flower shop by the time Shikamaru’s done with it. “Ino’s got her hands full with clan politics recently; I figured I’d help her look after the shop in the meantime. So, what are you looking for, and for whom?”

He’s a _ninja_ , an experienced ANBU of two years, and on principle, it should _not_ be this difficult to lie, but Neji’s mind stutters, and his tongue trips into this reply, “uh… I’m, ah, buying friends— I mean, flowers. I’m buying flowers for, um, ah, a friend.” _Sage help me._ He can feel his face going warm in embarrassment.

Shikamaru’s eyebrows finishes the slow climb they started at _I’m buying friends_. “Occasion?”

Neji’s mouth opens just enough for “birthday” to slip out before he slams his teeth back together and locks the stray words back.

Shikamaru’s eyelids flicker. He yawns into his hand, then turns a disinterested gaze back to Neji. “Colours? Specific flowers? Budget?”

“Something bright,” Neji suggests, because _birthdays are happy, right? And happy colours are bright colours. And Shikamaru’s birthday is in September, so,_ “I think they’d like asters, and—” _but I can’t make it too obvious because he’ll definitely figure it out,_ “—I don’t know. You’re probably more used to this than I am, so I’ll take your professional opinion. I’ll pay anything between six to nine hundred ryo.”

Shikamaru goes still for the slightest moment, which becomes the cue for Neji’s brain to begin its third rendition of the traditional folk song _You Fucked Up_ with full accompaniment. Then he hums in consideration and resumes his usual slouch, and the awful tune dies down.

“Aster, hmm?” he mutters. “We don’t actually have asters at the moment. Are irises okay?”

At the stilted agreement, Shikamaru curls his fingers into an odd seal and settles sleepily into the chair behind the counter.

“What,” Neji demands, “are you doing?” because he’s hardly as much of a genius as Shikamaru is, but he’s pretty damn sure that there are a couple more steps between ‘ _take the customer’s order_ ’ and ‘ _leave the store unattended while I nap_ ’.

Several stalks of the bright blue flower float past, and deposit themselves onto the counter. Black strands of shadow are wrapped around the stems.

“Work,” is Shikamaru’s answer, and sounds more like a barely audible sigh than a word.

There’s something so incredibly lazy about the way about…about _everything_ before him that Neji has half a mind to leave the shop and forget the flowers altogether. Tenten’s suggested shop in that weapons-making district sounds more appealing by the minute. In fact, the thought of forgoing the gift entirely is crossing his mind.

Another shadow toting yellow chrysanthemums ambles languidly past his nose, followed by peonies, red gerberas and several other flowers and leaf cuts that he doesn’t recognize.

“Do you do this with all your customers?” Neji finally asks, ramming his hands into his pockets. “You know, laze around and be as unaccommodating as possible?”

Shikamaru doesn’t even deign to reply this time, which means he’s deliberately ignoring any attempt at conversation either because he’s far too lazy, or annoyed; with Shikamaru, both choices are equally likely. He shrugs as he ties the bow around the finished product, then pushes it across the countertop towards Neji.

“Eight hundred and twenty ryo, please.”

The bouquet is immaculately styled and slightly less than two hand spans wide. Blue irises are evenly scattered between the equally vibrant daisies and chrysanthemums, and framed by white peonies. Four wide leaves then frame _that_ , curling outwards and towards the stems.

There’s been no questions asked about the recipient of the bouquet throughout the entire purchase. Neji considers it a success, pays for it, and leaves.

 

* * *

 

It is not in Shikamaru’s nature to brood.

He’s had his moments, of course, as everyone does, but he likes to think that he’s better at not brooding than say, that bastard Sasuke, or that other bastard Kakashi (who’s been considerably less of a bastard by giving Shikamaru the week off to help Ino), or the Ultimate Bastard Neji.

The Ultimate Bastard Neji who came into Ino’s flower shop and gave Shikamaru the hardcore stink-eye for doing work in his own lazy way (which was so much better than _getting up_ to pick the flowers because the latter required so much more _effort_ ) and wouldn’t leave him alone and was definitely deserving of the title.

Also, the Ultimate Bastard Neji who came into Ino’s flower shop and bought flowers for a ‘friend’s birthday’ and blushed the whole way through the purchase (he was lying, obviously) and wouldn’t pay any positive attention to Shikamaru ( _why didn’t he?_ ) and then left without making conversation and who was he buying the flowers for anyway because how many people had he even talked to in the last two weeks excluding the members of his team but really, he _could_ have been buying flowers for Tenten, or Lee, or Gai but _why_ —

_Where am I going with this?_

He thinks he had a point. Once.

A little girl of about six years old presses her face up against the shop’s floor-to-ceiling glass windows to marvel at the brightly coloured flowers. He wiggles his fingers at her, and she gives him a cheery wave and a wide grin back.

His point is probably buried beneath about seventy-three new trains of thought by now, much like how the Hokage’s office will probably be buried in one week’s worth of paperwork that Kakashi’s neglecting to do ( _oh my god I left Kakashi alone for a week_ ) and _who_ had thought it was a good idea to put the second laziest Konoha ninja in charge of the entire village in the first place—

Oh look, he’s lost his point again. (He knows very well that Shikaku was the one to put Kakashi up for the nomination at the very beginning.)

_But why doesn’t he buy flowers for me?_

_Shut up_ , Shikamaru tells his brain. He shifts his chair closer to the windows to gain a better view of the clouds and immediately finds one that looks like a dog lying on a tree branch, eating a snake, and then another one that looks like a fish in a skirt—

 _Neji could have been helping Hinata,_ his brain adds helpfully, and very belatedly. _People buy flowers for lots of reasons._

There’s a logical explanation behind all of this, he’s sure, even if he can’t quite think of one. The rumbling thunder of his reputation as Konoha’s resident lazy genius crashing down around his ears is particularly loud in his imagination.

Oblivious to his predicament, the clouds continue to drift idly across the sky. He glares at them. If looks could kill…well, they _could_ , in the case of the Sharingan and Byakugan (Hyuugas and _Neji_ —)

Shikamaru buries his head in his arms.

_Think about shogi or something._

There’s a mental picture of the incomplete game that he and Kakashi were playing before Shikamaru took leave. He gets as far as predicting the next fifteen moves, instead of his usual twenty-three, before his mind wanders again.

“Your boyfriend piss you off?” Ino’s voice cuts into Theory #375 on Why Neji is Buying Flowers and rips the mental data report to shreds.

“Neji’s not my boyfriend,” Shikamaru grumbles, side-eying Ino from the corner of his elbow because he’s too lazy to move.

Ino’s left eyebrow rises.

The realisation comes embarrassingly gradually. “Not…that you mentioned anything about Neji.” He sighs. “I know.”

He’s slipping, and both of them can tell.

“What’re you doing back so early?” he asks, in a hasty attempt to change the subject.

Ino’s right eyebrow joins her left on the crest of her forehead.

“You finish at seven,” she says, like she’s just caught him strangling puppies for fun, “it’s _eight_.”

“So?” Shikamaru asks uncomfortably.

Ino snags the collar of his flak jacket and hauls him into the back room of the shop, which is frequently used as a counselling room for customers purchasing flowers for emotional events like funerals or dates, and places both palms on the coffee-stained low table. “Talk.”

“Troublesome woman,” Shikamaru grouses, settling into the worn-out sofa, but he does anyway.

 

* * *

 

“You fucked up.” Tenten sounds vaguely serious on the other side of the line when she calls Neji that night.

“I fuck up a lot of things, Tenten. Be specific.”

A hollow, crackling sound. It’s an attempt of an impression of a thunderstorm, or an exaggerated sigh. “Flowers.”

“Oh, _shit._ Does Shikamaru—”

“Know that you’re proposing to him tomorrow?—”

“I am _not_ propo—”

“—No, but Ino called just now to say that Deer-boy’s feeling jealous ‘cause he thinks you’re seeing someone else and—”

“ _What?_ Fuck, isn’t _he_ supposed to be the geniu—”

“—apparently he was really torn up about the idea.”

“Oh my _god_ , Shikamaru.”

 

* * *

 

“You fucked up,” Ino says, by way of a greeting, when Neji enters the flower shop the next morning with the bouquet hidden behind his back.

“ _Shikamaru_ fucked up,” he protests, because there’s no way he’s going to take responsibility for a Nara’s hyperactive imagination. “Where _is_ he, anyway? Isn’t he supposed to be taking care of the shop for you?”

Ino throws him a disparaging look that accompanies the words “ _you’re_ from a clan too, Neji. Who the fuck do _you_ know that starts clan politics at _seven-thirty_ in the morning?”

The answer is ‘no one’, but he hasn’t even formed the words when she barrels over him. “And yeah, Shikamaru fucked up too, but you’re here first, so you get five minutes before he gets here to think of what you want to tell him.”

“ _Five minutes?_ ”

He digs his heels into the ground. Ino pushes him into the back room anyway.

“And why am _I_ the one who has to—”

She slams the door in his face.

 

* * *

 

Shikamaru arrives to a vaguely suspicious scene.

Ino has her back pressed flush against the door of the back room in what seems like an attempt to wedge it shut. From inside, her captive makes a clear and determined attempt to free themselves, if the violent thumping is anything to go by.

The possible explanations that Shikamaru can list range from improbable (there's a literal elephant in the room) to dangerous (she caught an Iwa spy) to mundane (a thief).

A particularly violent thump sends the door (and Ino) jerking forwards before she whirls around to slam the door shut with chakra-laden palms.

Shikamaru winces.

"Let me out, woman!" someone yells from inside. It sounds strangely like—

"Shut up, Neji!" Ino shouts back.

_Neji?_

"Hey Shikamaru," she calls nonchalantly over her shoulder, like she hasn't got an ANBU stuffed in the broom closet, "I've got someone who wants to talk to you."

 _I don't want to talk to him_ , he thinks petulantly, and given what happened the day before, he's not sure if Neji want to do the same.

Ino doesn't give them a choice regardless. In one fluid motion, she flings the door open and dances out of the way. Neji, not as fortunate, stumbles forward from the loss of support. His arms pinwheel wildly in the one moment where he's teetering precariously on his left foot, and then he's regained his balance and stuck a familiar bouquet of flowers behind his back.

_Isn't that the bunch of flowers I made yesterday? Shit. Why would he bring it back?_

"Neji has something to say," Ino explains smugly.

"No I don't," Neji says. His face is flushed. _There are many reasons for a person to blush_ , Shikamaru's brain provides in polite assistance, _physical exertion for one—_

" _Yes, you do_ ," Ino insists.

_Unless Neji didn't like it?_

"I'm missing something," Shikamaru concludes over the silence of their mutual glaring. "Neji, you could always ask Ino to make you a better bouquet if you want—"

Ino shrieks in frustration and executes a spectacular head-wall maneuver. The plaster cracks under the force of her forehead. "Oh my _god!_ Neji! _Tell him!_ "

"Tell me what?" Shikamaru demands.

Neji takes a step forward, then two. He opens his mouth. He shuts his mouth.

It's unlike Neji to be so flustered. _What if he's going to tell me he doesn't like me?_

"Well?"

Neji glares, stalks right up to Shikamaru and thrusts the flowers into his chest. He grabs at them instinctively. "They're for you, Nara," Neji says irritably, like when he's trying to be furious but can't. "I was _going_ to ask you out later, but apparently you—”

Oh. _Oh._

' _Thank you_ ', ' _you're amazing_ ' and ' _yes I'll go out with you_ ' are common and appropriate responses to the confession. Naturally, Shikamaru's mouth goes, "so you weren't buying the flowers for Hinata? Or Tenten?"

The look Neji gives him is dry enough to strip paint. "Why am I in love with you?" he asks, with a tone that could be the mutant child of abject fascination and distress.

Shikamaru doesn’t have an answer, but it doesn’t matter because he's not thinking anymore. Neji’s in love with me. Neji's _in love_ with _me_. The flowers tumble unceremoniously to the ground as Shikamaru’s fingers find themselves tangled in Neji’s long hair.

“Love you too,” he mumbles against Neji’s lips. Then there’s lightning between his teeth and fire on his tongue and the whole world is blissfully fuzzy and warm.

 

* * *

 

“Well?”

Ino lifts the teacup to her lips, draws a small sip, then sets it down again. “Shikamaru kissed first.”

“Evidence,” Tenten demands instantaneously.

Ino flicks her phone over with a finger. “Check the video.”

Tenten’s face cycles through pink-red-puce—

“God _dammit_ ,” she hisses. Her own cup lands heavily, sending liquid sloshing over the rim. She pushes a clenched fist across the table in disgusted disappointment.

Ino just grins and tucks the thousand ryo note into her pocket where it sits comfortably, alongside Kakashi, Tsunade and Choji’s losses.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus info:  
> 1\. Aster is the flower of the month of September  
> 2\. I tried to keep the flower shop as realistic as possible, which means that they don't stock all the flowers you might want, and nobody cares about the meanings of the flowers  
> 3\. The counselling room in the Yamanaka flower shop is a headcanon of mine. Occasions that involve flowers in the ninja world are mostly dating or death, and customers (often ninjas) would probably benefit from talking those feelings over  
> 4\. I'm not exactly satisfied with the kissing scene.  
> 5\. The ryo conversions are real, and amount to the what you might want to spend on a bouquet of flowers ($50-90)  
> 6\. The average number of moves in a chess game is about 40, which is why Shikamaru can only plan twenty plus moves on a good day (and not like, ninety-three)  
> 7\. Tenten is somewhat of a self-insert, not that you can tell because she has like, no screentime at all (wtf Kishi)


End file.
